When I received an email from the Together Blog team asking if I would be willing to share my testimony, I had mixed feelings. I felt I could not possibly write anything good enough for someone to want to read. However, I also felt honored when I was told my name was put forth for the task at hand, and I prayed for wisdom.
I explored the Together Blog and was so inspired by the many women who collectively contributed their stories. I kept reading and felt the Holy Spirit guide me to keep going. The devil was also pouncing on my insecurities, telling me that I could never measure up to those seasoned Christian women.
I went to Scripture for wisdom and read Luke 12:7: “Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows,” and Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” God spoke to me through his Word, reassuring me of his love for me and encouraging me to share my testimony, so here is the story of God’s saving grace in my life.
I was raised Catholic in a very dysfunctional home. We went to Catholic school and church as a duty, and I was taught to follow all the rules. My understanding was that I should get married, have children, and obey all the Sacraments and the Ten Commandments. I would then be a good person and go to heaven.
I was brought up in a very materialistic environment, which instilled entitlement and arrogance in me. As expected, I got married, had a beautiful home built for us, and started a family.
I had it ALL, or so I thought. At least that’s what the world would have thought looking at me. But there was always an emptiness inside me that I could not fill, no matter how many shiny new possessions I owned. In the years that followed, I faced many difficult challenges that brought about much suffering.
My husband passed at age 41, leaving me financially devastated with three small children to raise. My life spiraled over the next 20 years, leading to self-destructive behavior and much sin. I found myself in a very dark place that felt like a prison with bars locking me in. I would pray but hear no answers. Where are you, God? I wondered. I guess I’m not worthy.
God called my daughter Michelle home in 2018, and it was then that my Lord God would reveal himself to me and never let go. I started to thirst for an understanding of all my pain and suffering. What was God asking of me?
Soon after, I heard a friend who attended Covenant Fellowship talk about something called the Bridge Course. I was moved to tears, so I attended the course in the spring of 2022. During the Bridge retreat, my eyes and heart were opened to the possibility that God could love someone like me. Although I was not worthy, he is! He died for me so I could be credited with his righteousness.
On April 22, 2022, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I repented and turned away from all my earthly desires.
I know now that the cross is God‘s ultimate response to my brokenness, and that includes all my pain and suffering. He walked me through every season of my life.
After the Bridge Course, I realized much work needed to be done to grow in Christ. Currently, I am very active in Bible studies, Community Group, and fellowship wherever and whenever possible. I want to be used for God’s purpose first and foremost. But I also know that I can never earn his love. It’s a free gift from my Savior. Thank you, Jesus, for the grace you poured out on me through the glorious gospel!
