I recently turned 29—the final lap of my twenties.
Every year on my birthday, I like to journal about the previous year—the good, the hard, and everything in between. I also like to take time to dream about what the coming year will look like. This year, I even created a list of 29 things I want to do before I turn 30.
It’s similar to a game my family plays on birthdays called Rose, Bud, and Thorn. The birthday guy or girl reflects on and shares three prompts: a highlight from the previous year (rose), a lower point in the previous year (thorn), and something they are looking forward to in the coming year (bud).
Normally, this time of reflective journaling and this game are markers for me. They cause me to pause and process all that God has done in a year, and who I am becoming in the process.
But now as I teeter on the edge of leaving my twenties and entering my thirties, these questions hold more weight. I’m not just looking back on one year of life, but a whole decade. I’m contemplating bigger questions about the passage of time and the narrative of my life. Am I running this race well? Am I becoming the person I want to be and, more importantly, that Christ desires me to be? How have I witnessed God’s faithfulness?
Here are a few reflections on turning 29:
- The word of God is my strength. When I am weak, lonely, scared, unsure—you name it—I’ve always found security and sureness by standing on words that have literally stood the test of time. Words that are God-breathed and eternal. Words that are life-giving, hope-sustaining, joy-inducing, and courage-building. Words that have set me free. These are words worth reading, meditating on, and wrapping myself in. Scripture is a gift, and I am so thankful that God revealed himself to us in His word and we can point to his promises to sustain us.
- Authentic community changes you. Whether it’s meeting with my mentor, lifting my voice in corporate worship, praying for a stranger in a parking lot, sharing my heart with a close friend over coffee, or just walking alongside one another as we live ordinary lives, there is something extraordinary about community. It is not always easy to show up or to share my heart with others. Broken people being brought into close relationship with one another can be quite messy. But I’ve seen God shine the most in the messiness we share, not the perfect behavior we model. I have experienced the most profound change through authentic intimacy with close sisters in Christ as we confess all that we are not and in turn, look to all that he is. It encourages me, revitalizes me, and gives me a peek into the many facets of God’s grace, love, and beauty.
- Control is an illusion. This is a truth I will always be fighting to believe on this side of heaven. I am not in control of my timeline, of my relationships, of my future, etc. And the more I try to control things, the smaller my world becomes. The more I live openhandedly and walk in step with Jesus, the more the eyes of my heart are opened, and the world becomes bigger, brighter, and fuller. There are things I wish were different about my life and desires that have not been fulfilled. Yet, the more I’ve tried to control or manipulate situations into how I think they should be, the worse they become. I’ve learned to let limitations drive me to God and to rest my head on the soft pillow of God’s sovereignty. It is a safe and pleasant place to land.
- Disappointment and sorrow are great teachers. Something interesting about walking through the unmet expectations or deep hurts in my twenties is the person I’ve become on the other side of not getting what I thought I wanted. I’ve seen God do wonders with my broken heart while in the midst of certain fears coming true. I’ve seen God tear down the idols in my heart I’d never admit to chasing. And on the other side of it, Jesus has never felt so near, and true gospel hope has never been so clear. I don’t think I would trade that for the world.
- Embrace the race God has for you. We’re all running a race in this life, but that doesn’t mean our race will look the same. God has created each of us with a unique set of gifts and placed us in different circumstances. Not good or bad, just different. Sometimes, worldly distractions vie for my attention. Sometimes I’m tempted to glance to the right or left, curiously looking at the paths God has placed others on. But when I do these things, I only stumble and fall. I start to ask myself: Am I doing enough? Am I doing it wrong? Why do they have that, and I don’t? The list goes on. It’s when I decide to lean into the life God has for me, show up faithfully, and embrace the race he has chosen for me that I feel real freedom. It’s in the moments I refuse to drift into the lanes of envy, fantasy, and fear that I run with true abandon and joy the race set out before me.
In full transparency, I’ve completely failed in each (and more) of these categories. But God. Oh, what a sweet phrase! But God has been, and is, and will continue to be faithful to me because that is who he is. And Lord willing, as I walk through 29 into 30 and onward, I am greatly looking forward to the ways I will see the faithfulness of God and the new reflections that come as I run my race. I can’t wait.
