{Celeste on the left, with her roommate}
What is God’s will? We’ve all asked that question many times, haven’t we? Depending on the issue, this question can produce a paralyzing fear of “getting it wrong.” Predictability is important to me, and I love to order the events of my day. But the Lord often sends twists that teach me to see him as my ultimate provider and follow his lead. Looking back on my life, I can see countless examples of God’s provision, but each new circumstance seems to break new ground, and I’m tempted to wonder if it will be different this time. Will God provide in this situation too?
Recently, my roommate and I received a 60-day notice from our rental management company ordering us to leave the apartment we have loved for the past several years. Not only do I have an aversion to moving, but having to find a place over the holidays with a jam-packed schedule did not make things easier. Every day after work, we pored over ads and set up times to see available apartments. Instead of anticipating and trusting the Lord’s provision as each option was laid on the table, I wondered which one was right.
Time was short, and there were few desirable options. I wrestled between contentment with a less-than-perfect apartment that at least guaranteed a place to live and waiting for God to provide something better. Thoughts and questions plagued me. God would want us to be content to accept an apartment that meets our basic needs and not wait, right? Or maybe he has something so much better, and we are to trust that he will provide the best. If this is the wrong decision, will there be consequences?
I was wracked with anxiety, thinking of our situation almost like a game show where I had to figure out which door held the prize. After a few weeks of searching, we signed a lease for a smaller apartment that was still in a desirable location. The Lord had known from the beginning where we would live and had brought that opportunity forth when it was time.
I have come to see that discerning God’s will is more about a process of abiding in him and trusting his lead than finding the “perfect answer.” The decision I make at the end of that process, even with the smallest amount of faith, is what he will work for his glory and my good. Since God is the one who orders my steps, I will not “get it wrong” as I trust him.
God doesn’t always write his will in the sky for us to see, but he does lead us, and he is not elusive. Jesus assures us in John 15:9-11 that, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”
Looking back at my apartment search, I see that the root of my anxiety and fearful questions was unbelief in God’s goodness and provision. I too often think I need to make an immediate decision and then execute, but this leaves out the most important part: spending adequate time in prayer and waiting on the Lord. I miss out on experiencing his care for me in all the details of my life. I miss out on giving him my burdens that he promises to bear. I miss out on seeing that he is good! All circumstances that happen in my life are for his glory and my good, and God always has been faithful.
“For the Lord gives wisdom, from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity” (Proverbs 2:6-7).
